RSS Feed

31:25.

Posted on

Here goes:

I am not one to tout my religious views or shake my Bible in your face. Chances are… that 9 out of 10 times I am probably shaking SomeThing in your face… While I sing and dance my way through the day, but that Joy is in me for a reason that I have believed strongly in since I was a young child.

I believe in God, the deity, the folklore, the carpenters Daddy, and the Santa Claus of the Universe all rolled into one. No matter if he is “real” or not.  Do I believe in the one who condemns, who works for financial gain… Or the one who decrees that if you don’t repost his picture on FaceBook in 90 seconds you won’t be allowed in the gates of Heaven??  Uh… No.  The one who puts a label on who can love whom, and who dictates that hate is the centralized emotion when it comes to organized religion? No. Freakin. Way. 

image

I believe that people of Faith should walk with humility, and withOUT judgement…setting an example of a life worth living.  So I don’t need to post all of my thoughts and feelings about the God I serve on FB.  If you enjoy my ranting…. You’ll let me know.  If you want to hang out with me…you’re invited.  If you want to attend church with me?  You’re probably out of luck… because I hardly ever get there with 4 kids, 2 houses, and all the hundreds of things that go along with our life.  But you know what? I think God is ok with who I am right now in this moment.   Faith isn’t something you chase…it is something you are. 

This morning I received a text from a friend of mine from the church I never get to…and she said to me… “Look up Proverbs 31:25… It is YOU in a nutshell.  You should tattoo this on yourself”.
I went ahead and looked it up and I have Never,

                 Never,

                              Never felt so complimented in my entire life.

“She is clothed in Strength and Dignity and she laughs without Fear of the Future” ~ Proverbs 31:25.

I. Love. This.
I love the sound of this, I love the image that comes to my head, I love that someone else thinks of me this way, and mostly I love that this is who I want my beautiful daughter to become as well! 

Strength? 
Yes! 
Physical and mental please!  I would say being the Mother of 3 boys provides you with Plenty of mental strength.  If they are all still walking (on their own) at the end of the day…you are a mental juggernaut.  Being a mother demands Extreme mental strength  For me.. Being a mother also Demands. Fairly good physical strength.  I need to feel healthy, strong , and confidant enough to teach these boys that women are not lovely flowers to be coddled and ignored.  We are more like colie plants, strong, and hearty with beautiful shades and variables.   I also need to be strong enough to beat them at a race, throw a great curve ball, or wrestle them to the ground in a moment’s notice.  Because…and I am not kidding….

MOMMY ALWAYS WINS!!! 😁:mrgreen::mrgreen:

And this is why…

image

I am stronger than the average bear…  because I have survived.  Lots.  My body was most definitely not my temple 10 years ago.  More like the toxic waste dump for the local distillery.  I drank.. Sooo much.  I ate too much, or not at all. I gambled with my body and soul on a nearly everyday basis. I created (not by myself) and grew (by MYself)  FOUR humans… Which is alot on the anyone’s body.  In the end, I’m not sure that I would change any of it…and most definitely not the coolest, most awesome, amazing four humans!  I am strong now because I was weak then. If there are breaths of vitality in your average human… I am a Force 12 in the Beaufort Scale.  There is very little that intimidates or scares me, and I love an adventure!  I have the dignity of knowing that the weakness that once lived inside of me has grown into an outpouring of strength for others.

I AM able to “laugh without Fear of the Future”.  No matter what happens I have a backup. It is NOT just my faith.  It is my Family, friends, and the person who backs me up on a daily, sometimes hourly occurrence… Rob.  And if all of that falls through…I have another person I can always lean on. 

Myself. 

I hope that all women can relate to this ancient proverb.  Not because it is in the Good Book, and I want you to be on my Bible team, but because women everywhere deserve to feel this way about themselves.  They should feel their own strength, and hopefully have a partner who sees it in them as well.  They deserve for their children to tell them they are beautiful, and for them to want to make this woman laugh, and feel loved.  It is not a religious thing, it is a quality of Life issue.

I am so ThankFul that this person sent this to me today.  And I am honestly thinking of getting a tattoo of it.  I’ve been looking for an excuse anyway ;). 

Do you know what Faith is??  Real faith.  When something inspires you like this has done, and you are dying to get it out on paper… And then you miraculously realize that there are NEW episodes of Chuggington on Netflix so you can do just that.  God is in the details…even the self indulgent ones 💒. 

Blessings and Hugs,
The MommyLogues.

Advertisements

CessPooL.

Posted on

Yesterday was a CessPooL of Suck.  Just all around the WoRsT day ever.  It involved a lot of whining, crying, discipline, and zero self control.  And that was just ME!  If there was ever a day in history that could make me drink again… It was yesterday.  But I did not, (of course) so the World is safe from the re-entry of the Drunken Satan herself 😉

I don’t want to go into too many gory details… But the day just was a CrapFest.  I think when you love and care about as many people as I do… Even if 10% of them have a horrible day, you can easily be sucked in too.  It was so bad that my beautiful daughter offered up her hard earned Wendy’s cash to buy pizza for the family… I’m pretty sure she was trying to make me not crack up like an egg. 

I was just exhausted by the end of it.  So tired I could barely shove some charity pizza pie in my mouth. And it really made me sit down, and think about what having a bad day means in this house, in this time.

A bad day yesterday for me consisted of cranky kids, a husband with too much on his plate, and a child who didn’t finish a Spanish project.  (Boo Jackson, Boo!).  He is, by the way, still on the proverbial hook for that!

A bad day when I was the Angel of Evil was filled with screaming.  People crying, and pleading for things to change.  Lies, mistrust, and dangers for everyone around each corner.  If it was a good “Bad Day” I would just pass out… Leaving my family to fend for themselves, but at least they were no longer dealing with my ridiculous self.

Our World was so uncertain, and bleak that our family unit never had the chance to take a rest.  It couldn’t have a break… BeCause it was so BroKen.  There was no real security that there would be a family the next day in the same house… Or even that all of its members would be alive. 

Yesterday when I went out to get Will off the bus, he knew immediately that something was wrong.  He was so concerned about why I looked sad!  He actually stuck by me all evening… Giving me extra hugs and WillLove, even after I was my silly old self again.  Oddly enough… That makes me very happy.  Moreover, it makes me confident that the Me of today… Is a far, FAR cry from the Me of the past. 

Molly is old enough to remember that evil Mommy 😈.  Jake barely thinks of it, but a small memory of it still lingers😧.  Evan, and Will have zero thought process when it comes to conjuring up a Momma who wasn’t smiling and dancing, 98% of the time💗😛💗.  A mother who not only didn’t cook breakfast, but drank her breakfast to boot.  My older children know that they will never have to deal with that again, and they know that my Love for them, and for Daddy is what brought me through that type of pain.

When Jake called me from School yesterday to tell me was busted by the Spanish teacher for not having his project done, He was not at all worried that he was going to come home to an intoxicated mess.  He knew he was in a World of Trouble…and that he may never play a video game Again EVER… But there was no concern for his own safety or mine.  And that to me, is the Ultimate Victory. 

My family is my World.  Both extended, and the ones that live in my teeny tiny little Cape Cod.  We are Happy.  Happy does not, and will never mean Perfect.  Bad days happen, people lose their tempers, and kids try to test their limits.  Having my family know that they are Safe in this World, with me… is the greatest Joy I have ever known. 

I am, however, having a MUCH better day today.  Jake got his project done (in a whopping 30 minutes of effort…Errrrrghghhh) and at the end of the HoRRiBle day, we all snuggled up eating pizza, and watching Disney’s Mulan… because as Molly said “kick butt girls are where it’s at”.  And at the end of the movie, my kids said that I remind them of Mulan.  Because I fight for what’s right, for my family and friends,  and I don’t have any fear when it comes to it.  Let me just say…Bad Day Over :). 

From now on when I have a bad day I’m pulling my hair up, confiding in my Magic Dragon (we will hypothetically call him “Rob”), and putting my big girl Samurai pants on.  It is remembering how far we’ve all come that keeps us from ever going back, right? It is that thought that keeps me writing and telling the tales… The Good, the Bad, and the Sucky CessPooL ones. 

Peace, Love, and Conflict Resolution Tactics from our Family to Yours,

The MommyLogues ❤

He’s not “special needs”…

Last night Rob shared a photo on FB… And I’m sure everyone has seen it before, but it always makes a point.

image

Rob had all the best intentions when sharing this, and I dare say… He posted it out of pride for his son.  Mommy, however, had a very hard time with it :(.

I think it was the label of “special needs”. Of that black phrase used in conjunction with my Sunshiny, Happy, LoVing boy.  The realization that Rob is maybe prepared for a possibility that I am not.  I still work hard to keep up the idea that Evan will someday just catch up with all his peers, and that he will prove everyone wrong about his “abilities”.

Evan’s birth and the year following were traumatic, to say the least.  He wasn’t going to survive a week, then a month…. Then a year.  He has done EveryThing “they” said he wouldn’t.  Walking, talking, playing…  He is basically just a normal little boy.  But, he’s not.

He is still behind… Developmentally.  He is more on a 3 year old scale… Instead of a 4 turning 5 year old scale. He is still slightly uncoordinated, but being MY son, he’s probably just stuck with his
klutzy nature ;).  Will he grow up and lead a normal life?  Probably.  Will he grow up, and lead a totally run of the mill existence?  Less of a chance, I think.  He may always have to work harder, think more, and accept challenges head on to get thru adulthood. 

But when I really sit back and think about it, as his Mother… Do I want any of my children to have it easy?  I certainly don’t want any of them to face the same life endangering trials I went through… But I also think a certain amount of challenge is good for a soul.  It breeds character, and makes you appreciate what you really have.  It would be easy for Evan to be like everyone else… But the chance that he would be the same happy boy who wakes up to cheers and hugs, from a houseful of people… Is unlikely. 

My son, who is a fighter… Lights up a room every single place he goes. People fall in love with him instantly.  Is it because he’s different?  Yes.  He doesn’t have any of the walls, or borders most children at his age do.  He loves unconditionally…and without bias.  If you are black, red, purple… He wants a hug.  If you are Jewish, Muslim, or even Catholic (😂)… He will be your buddy.  He seems to know his place in the World even before he’s really been in it.  He loves and laughs.  That is what he does.  Does it mean he doesn’t misbehave? No.  He gets grumpy…of course.  And someday somebody will hurt him, or make fun of him… But Evan will forgive them.  (Will Kinch may kick their a**… But Evan will give grace). He may be a easy target for a bully… But more likely… He will show that bully a compassion that they didn’t receive at home that made them want to be mean in the first place.  He may change people, showing them that sometimes weakness is a true strength. 

I have had many struggles in my life.  Most of them should have killed me.  To be a mother to a little person who has the same fight in them that I do… Is so humbling.  Evan is a lot like his Momma.  We don’t care what we have.  Or how much of it.  Being alive, and with the people we love is the only thing that we are concerned with.  And that bonds us, to each other, to his Daddy… And to his siblings who adore their brother like he is a preschooler at Harvard.  Or even better… Like he is who he is, Evan Michael Kinch. 

He doesn’t have any special needs.  He doesn’t ask For anything any more than any other child his age.  He IS my special need.  My sunshine, my heart, my youngest babe.  I am sure I don’t feel any different than any other parents who has a child who had a health issue or survived some difficulty.  Or a parent who’s baby has met every milestone before or right on time.

I have been and always will be his biggest fan.  I will go to bat for him and fight for anything he needs, but I would absolutely do the same for all of my other children too.  They will all always have me as back up.  And they know it…from the oldest who has a genius IQ… To the youngest, the boy who knows he will have to be more street smart than book smart :).

image

This is not the face of a child who is worried about his future.  Seriously.. Look at that back up ;).  This is the face of a little man who knows he is safe, loved and has all the support he needs.  He’s not special needs..  He is just Amazingly special.  He will take on his Life in the future that same way he has in the past… With a smile, a jump, and plenty of LauGhter 💗💗💗.  And if he has a problem… He Will always have the people he has given his love to… to come and give some back 🙂

Will says…

image

Last night Will decided he was going to learn how to wash dishes.  Awesome.  While washing the silverware I said to him, “Make sure those are nice and clean… Daddy gets very concerned about dirty forks”.

A couple minutes later, I hear him talking to himself…

“Make sure they’re clean, clean,clean… Daddy gets constipated over clean silver ware”.

🙉🙈🙊

Heart.

image

Will is home sick with the flu today and so he is camped out on the couch in between bathroom visits.

He’s just laying there…all is quiet and he says,”I just don’t care about my hair Mom.  It always sticks out like Wolverines.  My head is shaped like his… But my heart isn’t.  He’s angry.  All the time.  I’m almost never angry.”

I told him that seems like a true statement.

Then he said he felt bad because Wolverine probably didn’t have a Mommy as great as me to make him HaPPy.

Ok… I guess I’ll keep cleaning up the little rugrat’s vomit… He just earned my heart.  Again.

Heart.

image

Will is home sick with the flu today and so he is camped out on the couch in between bathroom visits.

He’s just laying there…all is quiet and he says,”I just don’t care about my hair Mom.  It always sticks out like Wolverines.  My head is shaped like his… But my heart isn’t.  He’s angry.  All the time.  I’m almost never angry.”

I told him that seems like a true statement.

Then he said he felt bad because Wolverine probably didn’t have a Mommy as great as me to make him HaPPy.

Ok… I guess I’ll keep cleaning up the little rugrat’s vomit… He just earned my heart.  Again.

LiTTle MoMMy Lost…

I have been mentally writing this blog for… oh, maybe SIX years.  Yes, six I believe.  About the time I became a stay at home Mom, and had my first “groundhog day” type of week, I’ve been mapping this entry out in my head.  I’m sure as many mommies know… when you become a Mom, much less one who rarely leaves her house… many, MaNy things change about you.  You become entranced with your daily routine, of babies, cleaning, cooking, nurturing, cleaning, cooking…changing poo.  You get the idea.  And once you have that routine, you are in THE Zone.  You get super irritated if there are alterations, like for example if the mail person is late, and they say… beep at you.  You “might” freak out and scream that the BaBieS are SLEEEEEEPING…don’t BEEEEP!!!!  Not that saying this has ever happened to me, just an example of what could happen…

Truly though,  your hygiene is the first to go.  Sadly, showering seems to be an option instead of a need.  Why bother getting cleaned up when the same baby who threw up on you 2 hours ago during his feeding is going to do it again in precisely 60 minutes?  No point to that at all.  The thought of taking a long, luxurious bath? You can’t really even focus on the idea of it without yawning and practically giving in to your narcolepsy.  And at the time, being a dirty, greasy long leg haired hippie doesn’t seem so bad.  You are a MoTHer, a giver of life, a nurturing goddess.  They are supposed to be a little grimey, right?

Other things soon start to fade away unnoticed.  Your sense of personal style gets swapped for yoga pants, comfortable shoes, and t shirts that have 3 stains or less.  You stop actually eating meals, and soon find yourself existing on cheerios and possibly even a piece of chicken off the floor, if it’s been there for less than a day.  Friends, connections, social existence?  Duh.  That’s what FB is for.  They can’t SEE you.  At least not until it’s on your terms, you know…on Shower Day when you finally get the energy to take a half assed selfie and pretend that’s how chipper you look every day.

You are literally engrossed in your child’s world.  And I emphasize the GROSS in engrossed.  You live in a funnel, an everyday cycle of putting your needs last, and your family’s needs first.  You spend your time thinking about bodily functions, emotional supports, and how to make them eat the next organic, veggie loaded concoction you come up with.  Your title is Mom, and you spend every waking hour living up to it.

And it is WonDerFul.  Absolutely enchanting.  I don’t regret a single boogie, not one sleepless night, or any amount of time I spent cleaning up Matchbox cars in the early hours of dawn after nearly losing a toe on one of them.  I would do it all again in a heartbeat just to have those moments of being their one and only again.  These past almost seven years of being at home with my children and all the other babes who have come into our “family” have been the best, most fulfilling era so far.

Sadly though my little teeny babies, are not tiny anymore :(.  They are growing up, becoming actual PeoPle and starting to fulfill their own destinies by going to school, playing instruments, getting and maintaining relationships outside of our Family.  I don’t like it.  Nor do I have to.  But it IS happening.  And so, I have decided that Mommy needs to reach outside a little bit too.  I have to expand myself, and my goals so my Family can reach our dreams together.  Rob and I started doing this by buying our house in Wendell a few years ago, but now it was up to me to take the next step.

 

We have always both wanted to work for ourselves, and I became truly entranced with the real estate market when we were in the process of buying our house.  But, again…when you are covered in kid goop, the idea of interacting with grown adults who don’t think Boogie Wipes are a necessity…well, it’s a far distant thought.  So, last month I decided to take the proverbial bull by the horns and get my sh** in line.  And I started classes at Keller Williams for….dun dun dun Duuuuun….Real ESTATE.

 

And I have to say…my inner Tabby is starting to come back.  I used to see my old confident self standing at the end of a Very, very long hallway waving at me to come back.  She was dressed in nice clothes, her hair was done, and she carried a purse!  Not a diaper bag.  She’s closer now, starting to open her arms just a little….kind of like the beginning of a really good hug when you start to gear up for the impact.  At least SIX times I have gotten “fancy” as Will says, gone to class… spent time with only Adults in a learning forum.  Absolutely fantastic.  I feel so refreshed and accomplished just for that one act!  Being able to clear some of the cobwebbies out of my MomBrain is such a good feeling.  All the synapses are not reconnecting yet… but I have faith that with a little more adult therapy, they will.  It makes me feel like I am actually doing something for myself, while still working towards the prize my family wants for their future.

 

All around I feel more confident, intelligent, and like the girl (now a semi old woman) who used to think she could literally take the world by the ass, and twirl it around on a string.  Without all the struggles, addictions, and stupidities of being young and spontaneously dipshitted.  I can’t wait to learn more, do more, see more, find more and experience more of LIFE, all with my family of six…yeah… I said SIX by my side.  So HA , who wins now????  Huh huh???

 

It seems there are really seasons to life, and you can’t get stuck in them.  Enjoy them while you’re in them, each and every moment.  But when the next comes, be ready.  Dance in the rain, make a snow angel, and make sure to stick your toes in the sand.  I have adored raising my kiddos, and I’m far, far from done.  However, it is ok for me to start looking at being a woman again, a wife, with a career, and personal goals.  I’m sure I may still have to pick a few boogs here and there, and I will ALWAYS be available for them…but accepting that we are all growing is getting easier.

 

As I type this… Evan is sitting on my lap in a pile of stink.  BeCAUSE he has pooped his pants.  Irony in its purest form, right ??  Ugh, it’s not even lost on me as I struggle to finish this through the stench.  Duty (Ha Ha, get it ??) calls folks, more to come soon <3.

 

Hugs and Stinkers,

The Mommylogues